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Currently Listening To: Diamond Road from the album "C'mon, c'mon" by Sheryl Crow
I'm currently feeling a bit down.
I hate people who spend their whole lives pouring their sorrows into their weblog's but I'm going to indulge myself just this once.
I'm at home, in the house in Rowhedge, alone. The house is large and empty to me and I'm here to finish an assignment I was given on friday by Kris because I wasn't woken up to head back here this morning to my beloved computer.
Life at the farm is sucking. Even the relatively cramped conditions of Thanet Walk are preferable to the vast acreage of Corvette's Paddocks because it really feels like a family when we are here. In Corvette's Paddocks my insane Grandmother runs around despoiling all that is good and pure. My mother is going mad and having a mid-life crisis of sorts and the whole thing is likely to get worse with the addition of yet more Swaines into the mix with the coming arrival of both my Grandfather and my Uncle Jason.
My family, my immediate family is something I hold dearer to me than anything else in the world and yet it is somehow trodden on time and time again by people who have no care for it. Luck has dealt us poor cards in the past and they have been worsened by the play of others. The six of us constitute my desire, my future and my love and it is sad to see such a thing being debased.
I honestly do not know what the future holds for us. What the next flip of the card will be or how we will choose to play it and I have always stood an optimist in such matters.
My ally in this is God but I feel as if I ought not be facing such a time, in the words of many a child "It's not fair".
John
Posted by John Swaine at August 24, 2003 07:56 PM